3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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