It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize