Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize