somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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