I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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