gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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