i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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