Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
