does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
