it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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