We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
