we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
