he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
