I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
