im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
