Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
try to milk me bitch
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
