pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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