I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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