i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
