If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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