Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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