On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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