The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
