omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
