brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
