I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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