just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
