The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
