Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
