what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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