oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize