You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
