And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
