foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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