...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
