You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
