Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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