he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
