never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
