You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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