She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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