I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
