so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This is classic penis vs brain.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
