you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
