the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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