i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's never too late to be topless.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
