Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
