You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
