i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
