i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize