Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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