There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize