I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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