I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
