Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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