WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
