quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
