How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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