she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wear drunk well.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
