Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
