What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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