You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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