It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
