I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
