just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
