Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
