RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
