Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
