Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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