i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
