when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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