capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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